Is This How The World Goes Round?
A wondering about the role of the feminine figures who have shaped my journey.
You can listen to me reading this newsletter here.
“Part of the resistance to the words masculine and feminine lies in our inability to accept that each of us contains both masculine and feminine energy and that both energies are divine".
Marion Woodman and Elinor Dickson.1
“It is 4.18 am on January 18th. The Wolf Moon is waxing and I am wide awake.
Sneaking downstairs so as not to wake my little boy who is tucked up and asleep beside me, I make tea in a new teapot given to me by my mum, noticing how much louder the kettle sings at this time of day, and I silently slip into my little study, feeling grateful to have this space to hideaway in.
It is cold cold in here and I turn the knob of my Delonghi fan heater and it begins to chug away merrily, spitting out its warm, dry offering.
I strike a match and a candle soon flickers beside me.
I sit in a chair bought at the recommendation of my daughter, it is grey, and I preferred the blue one, but on getting it home I realised she was right, and I cover myself under a crocheted blanket, made and gifted to me for Christmas by my wife and I begin reading a book2 written by the single mother of four girls.
A book recommended by another woman whose first two books I have just finished3.
A thought starts to grow.
I place the book down.
Take a deep breath and begin to wonder ‘Is this how the world goes round?” at the hands of women who weave, women who write wonderous words, women who put others ahead of themselves, women who have no option other than to continue to speak their truth in the hope that something might change.
Or is it simply that this is how my world goes around?
It was the morning of November 10th, and in a little corner of Suffolk, it was cold, cold, cold.
I have spent the last two days guiding a small group of men on a mythopoetic journey. My co-conspirator, Giles, has just finished telling the story of The Firebird and Princess Vasilisa, and we are drawing our circle to a close.
Up to this point, the story has galloped along in the realm of the mythic masculine, on the back of the hunter’s ‘horse of power’. Now as a man, it should be relatively easy to relate to the characters of the hunter or ‘the stout king’, the sovereign who calls all the shots, or indeed the Firebird.
But what about Princess Vasilisa?
Well, the storytellers remind us that in these old stories, it helps to think of all the characters as representing a part of us, a part of our psyches, including, in this case, the hunter’s horse, the ancient oak where he spends the night, and even the crab who ably aided the hunter on one of his various ordeals, and yes Princess Vasilisa too.
And it was only when Vasilisa arrived on the scene that something profound arose in me.
It was the realisation that so much of who I am, and what I have done in my life has been shaped and moulded by the love of women.
There are far too many important women to name here but there is, of course, my mum who has cheered me on no matter what, my big sister who always made me feel safe as a tiny kid in a big school, my A-level maths teacher, probably the only one who ever saw me for who I truly was, my first wife whose unwavering belief in me somehow got me through my accountancy exams, and then there’s the wonderful retreat facilitators in Ireland who back in 2019 helped me begin the journey back to my true self.
And of course, there’s my wife who has never given up on me and more than anyone, with her worldly wisdom, has helped me understand a little more what it is like to be a woman in this world.
And privately this has been some of the most important personal work I have done over the past few years. Stepping up to share more of the mental load of raising a family, to challenge gender stereotypes, and to learn about the kind of ‘rites of passage’ my daughter will have to navigate as she grows.
Having sat with groups of men over the past year, exploring our inner lives together, reconnecting, I suppose, with our inner Vasilisas, marrying our feminine and masculine energies together, and, not to be forgotten, deepening our connection with mother nature, I wonder now what role I, as a man, will take as I step into the second half of my life, and how I can hopefully shape in a small way a more equitable future.
But here’s something I have really learned in doing this work. People often just want to be seen. Women, I think, want to be seen for being more than being mum, or the primary carer, the unconditional love-giverer, the weekly food shop orderer or the plate-spinner extraordinaire that society expects of them. And men too, I think, want (or perhaps secretly yearn), to be seen for more than what meets the eye. To express perhaps more of their feminine creativity. In my case, writing a poem about love and sharing openly; a terrifying act, but oh so needed for my tender soul to feel alive.
A helpful question I have asked myself over recent years is this:
“So you’re an [Accountant], but what else are you?”.
The answers I’ve arrived at have surprised me, scared me and often inspired me.
I’ve loosely concluded that we are all “more than” and I think these old stories have helped that understanding along.
Well, I think my musings in this space will continue to unfold in the coming months.
So thank you for being here!
Upcoming offerings!
1. Holding the Thread in Turbulent Times, Thursday 7th March
This is a ‘pay as led’ online half-day retreat in partnership with Woodbrooke. All the details can be found HERE.
2. Resilience and Renewal in Turbulent Times, Monday, April 22nd
This is another ‘pay as led’ online half-day retreat with Woodbrooke. All the details can be found HERE.
3. A Gathering For Men, November 8th - 10th, Suffolk UK.
So Giles and I have decided to offer an annual ‘mythopoetic gathering for men’ based on the Courage & Renewal approach. The gathering will take place on Giles’s farm in Suffolk on the second weekend of every November.
So this is an early notice to gather interest with full details to follow, including the themes we plan to explore. There are 12 spaces available and if you would like to join us, or know anyone who might be interested, we are offering an early booking price of £275.00 (excluding accommodation) for those booking before July 31st. If you would like to find out more please email me on will@thewilljohnsonjourney.com
1. Listening — Hania Rani: Tiny Desk Concert : NPR
I was delighted to discover this week that Hania Rani has released a Tiny Desk Concert which you can watch HERE.
It is super good in my opinion. The tracklist is:
"Thin Line"
"Moans (Instrumental)"
"Don't Break My Heart"
The official music video for Don’t Break My Heart is below too.
“In life you must simply ask the spirit of a place to help you master time.”
—Sylvain Tesson
2. Journeying — With Ros Simons, Journeys in the Sacred Grove
Last month I shared that I’ve become the guardian of a shamanic drum, crafted by Ros Simons, whose work you can read more about HERE.
Her newsletter is lovely too and well worth signing up for.
This year Ros is having a break from in-person offerings, but I have signed up for her online course, which in her words, will see us:
“Enter into the Sacred Tree Grove and spend the next 13 moons travelling with the twelve Celtic Guardian Trees of the Grove.”
January started with connecting to the spirit of the Birch, tree of new beginnings.
3. Crafting — Birth of the Drum, Gun Hofgaard
This short film provides a glimpse into the ‘drum birthing’ process, with the late Gun Hofgaard.
'Birth of the Drum' is a journey of Gun Hofgaard from Jokkmokk, Sweden making a spring drum. She is working with wood, skin and natural pigments. Filmed by Cedar Shaw. Music by Nina Nordvall Vahlberg.
4. Reading — Women Who Weave Wondrous Words
My first four books of the year have all been written by women, it wasn’t intentional, but I’m following the call to explore more.
I was especially moved by Caro Giles’ book, Twelve Moons which not only spoke to the challenges of raising a neurodiverse family, four girls, all on her own, but also of how we can often lose ourselves along the way. It has also left me wanting to visit the North East of England, especially Dunstanburgh Castle!
writes here on Substack too and I’m really enjoying what she’s sharing.“One of the girls says why is everybody staring Mummy? And I tell them it is because we are a tribe of girls and perhaps they want a little piece of our magic.”
—Caro Giles, Twelve Moons
Are there any other female writers I should add to my list?
If you like Fenland Musings and want to get in touch about anything in this or previous newsletters, I would love to hear from you. You can email me by clicking the below link.
Well, that’s all for this month, I hope you enjoyed this fuller edition after last months sickness induced slim down!
Today is the full Wolf Moon, and tonight I’ll be heading out into Fenland to hopefully see her shining brightly! Fingers crossed for clear skies.
Next month’s Fenland Musings will be issued on Thursday 29th February - yes we have a leap year!
So I’ll sign off with a poem from Sylvia Plath, whose collected poems I am working my way through.
Wolf Moon Blessings to you!
Will
Winter Landscape, With Rooks Sylvia Plath Water in the millrace, through a sluice of stone, plunges headlong into that black pond where, absurd and out-of-season, a single swan floats chaste as snow, taunting the clouded mind which hungers to haul the white reflection down. The austere sun descends above the fen, an orange cyclops-eye, scorning to look longer on this landscape of chagrin; feathered dark in thought, I stalk like a rook, brooding as the winter night comes on. Last summer's reeds are all engraved in ice as is your image in my eye; dry frost glazes the window of my hurt; what solace can be struck from rock to make heart's waste grow green again? Who'd walk in this bleak place?
Grow Your Courage
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Marion Woodman, Elinor Dickson - Dancing In The Flames, The Dark Goddess In The Transformation Of Consciousness (Gill Macmillian Ltd), page 2, Introduction
Caro Giles, Twelves Moons, A Year Under A Shared Sky (Harper North)
Kerri ní Dochartaigh - Thin Places & Cacophony of Bone (Canongate Books)
Another wonderfully written and thoughtful Fenland Musing Will.
This was so beautiful to hear from a man to be honest. It's rare to see men appreciating women with so much warm and sincerity. ✨